Intro

This Friday will be my last day at the office. I'll be leaving ByteDance and Shanghai soon to move to Melbourne. While the memory's fresh, I'd like to reflect on the 16 months that I've spent so far in China.

I had a pretty difficult time looking for jobs in Australia at the beginning of 2021 following my graduation, both because of COVID and my lack of experiences. While I did do a degree in computer science and had a couple of internships, I was pretty much involved in my other degree, math. Also, because of the research and explorative nature of my internships, I had limited experiences building and maintaining production-level applications and projects. This was on me.

Though I very much wanted to stay in Australia (1. all my close friends are in Australia and it really has become a home to me; 2. the experiences you have of a city/country as a student versus as a working professional are quite different IMHO and it would be a shame not to experience that side of Australia too), I also wanted to get started on my tech career as soon as possible. I was over anxious about my quote on quote career but it happened.

So when I had the chance to interview with some of the tech companies from China like ByteDance, I did. Luckily, I got a great offer from ByteDance despite my lack of practical experiences, which I am really thankful to this day. It's given me a chance to get really comfortable reading and writing code and being a part of production-level projects.

Packing, saying goodbyes, and getting tested for COVID two ways, there I was, on the 21st of April 2021, on a plane home.

01.

Seeing friends that I hadn't seen in quite a while, eating local food, moving into my own place, orientation, getting rushed to write code right away, learning a shit load of new concepts, daily back-and-forth commutes, life was moving so fast in the first couple of months. Hangzhou, where I grew up and initially based, just didn't feel like home at all.

During this time, I met someone who's based in Shanghai. I also enjoyed the vibe of the Shanghai office from my visit there as part of the onboarding process and so I applied to be relocated to Shanghai. Packing again, saying goodbyes again, on the 16th August, there I was writing code in the Shanghai office.

With true and good intentions, the relationship after 10 months or so however didn't work out. Our state of mind and the way handled ourselves just didn't allow any room for amendments. Should've, could've. Life moves on, more perspective, no bitterness, no anger.

02.

The project that I was part of was given a lot of attention from the management and the six-month probation policy at ByteDance had me working in a way that drained every bit of energy out of me. Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. More familiarity, more responsibility, I powered on with no power.

Then, with the adjustment of organizational structure, our project was stopped to give way to other projects. All the code that I wrote pretty much went out the window, just like that.

It was around this time, Shanghai had its infamous lockdown. For almost three months, I worked from home. In early March, I was somewhat free to roam around the neighborhood and the city. From April, however, the entirety of Shanghai with its 20+ million population was put on hold. People couldn't leave their houses at all. When they did leave, it was for getting tested for COVID at the compound. Unbearable.

Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. What the fuck does it really mean?

03.

Finally, at the start of June, most parts of Shanghai were released from lockdown. I did two things, gave my 3-month resignation notice, arranged a health check for work visa.

So here's my understanding of "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional": Consciously choose what is meaningful to you. And yes pain is inevitable. So work through discomforts that may come along your way. If what you chose is no longer in line with that find meaningful, suffering is optional, it's okay to choose to not suffer the pain any longer and walk away. How much it must suck if a person can't even walk away from the sufferings caused by things that are not meaningful to them.

Being able to choose is a precious thing. Packing again, saying goodbyes again. Work, enjoy life, and be kind, whatever the future holds.